ok so I know its been a while since I've posted... (It always annoys me when ppl post excuses and appologies when I read blogs... and yet- here I've done it.)
I haven't been doing a lot of running or anything lately- minus a 30 min workout in Mexico when we visited Nate's dad several weeks ago... so i felt like I didn't have anything to post. I felt defeated. I started this blog about "who I was becoming" because we are all works in progress... and I really hoped it would end with me being like "WorkoutMommy" or at least sorta fit... or maybe having dropped a few sizes and lbs... But so far I'm still not making a lot of progress in that area. I was so determined... but now it just doesn't seem to be possible, worth the effort, doable, etc. I feel defeated sorta... and only by my own self... only by my own lack of discipline....
However, I have a LOT going on in other areas... and so I've decided while I haven't spent much time on my physical self lately... i've really been growing and learning in my emotional and spiritual self. I wish they were all 3 meshed together and you couldn't grow one without the other... but honestly it just takes a LOT of effort/time/energy/insert other excuse here to do it all.
So for now... I'll give you a short update on the rest of me (as if anyone really was waiting for the next blog or hanging on baited breath to see what TIFFANY is doing... ) and then I'll send you to somewhere REALLY worthwhile... a blog I happened upon this morning that left me in tears and changed (in a good way.)
So after a season of stepping back from a lot of activities/leadership/etc and really trying to enjoy myself, Nate, God, Friends, etc (those are totally in the wrong order... ) I felt called to do "Elevate". Its a discipleship training school at my church. We will learn a lot, read a lot, memorize scripture, grow closer together, and really seek to serve the Lord outside of ourselves. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I haven't done much of the above on my own so the good Lord has led me to a school where I'll be FORCED to grow. I use forced in a good way... This is going to be tough though. I'm not really very disciplined... (see above paragraphs about working out.) I've squeaked by in life, and managed to do ok at stuff... I've done enough to just get by... nothing too outstanding.. I do whats required and not much more. I'm selfish. Really. I am. I dont love people well. I judge others and have pride in my heart at things that I have no right to feel pride for. I want to serve- but on MY terms(read: enough to get by and complete a checklist), not the Lords (complete abandonment).
I'm overwhelmed. This is going to be a tough year. I'm going to have to DIE to myself. DIE. Every single day. Die to my plans. Die to my wants. But really- I'm 29 yrs old. I've known God since I was 6. Its kinda ridiculous that its taken me 23 years to realize its time to DIE. My only comfort is that Jesus started his ministry at 30... he did a ton in 3 short years... surely there's hope for me to change my 'norm'. Surely. I want to change it. I want to become CRAZY for HIM! I want to do things the world thinks are totally absurd for HIM. I want to love people for HIM. I want to get out of my own head and into the hearts of others FOR HIM. I want to stop judging people FOR HIM. I want to be an intercessor FOR HIM. I want it all FOR HIM! I want to change the world FOR HIM!
and then... i realize that means sacrifice... and that means death. Death to MY dreams, MY desires- because they are not His desires. They aren't.
and then... I'm scared. Scared of failing... and even scared of succeeding. I'm scared about what that would even look like. And I'm scared that when I get there- I'll decide the cost was too great. But could it ever REALLY be too great?! The church answer is def not. My real answer- I'm not sure.
So here we are at the beginning of a journey that I believe is going to be good... that I intentionally placed myself on... intentionally not knowing what it was going to require and now feeling completely overwhelmed.
Speaking of overwhelming... I just found a blog today through one of my friends from BRH days at Baylor, Jenny Chisolm Simmons of Addison Road. Jenny's blog is great- she's a new mommy and she shares with such REALness and humor the not-so-glam world of being in a hit band, following God at all costs and her struggle with the good and the bad. I LOVE reading her posts and I'm pretty sure you will too! HOWEVER, today- she had an entire post of reaction to someone else- Katie. See Jenny's blog about Katie here:
So if you didn't read Jenny's summary of Katie and her blog... at least click on Katie's blog. She's just a girl who grew up in the South, and now serves God in Africa doing things she never would have been able to do on her own... and loving it. After reading her blog- my issues... dying to myself... finding a little discipline... they don't seem like that big of a deal. I'm going to be thinking about the things I read for a while... and then hopefully dying to myself and stepping out to do something for HIM.
Let me know what you think. I'd love to hear your perspective.
Love
Tiffany, the dying one.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Guess what?
I ran!
Thats right- I didn't want to post about it before I did it... but I did. Not for long... but I enjoyed it. I actually enjoyed it. I stopped when I got tired/winded and then I picked up again... and I pushed myself some (not a ton but some).
The story:
I decided I needed a day off on Wed. SO I took one! Nate was at my mom's for Library Reading day and so I got up thinking I"d take a shower and get ready for the day... but something stopped me.
NOPE! I'm gonna go over to the Village and I'm gonna walk and spend time w God!
So I did... for about 30 min or so. Not super long- but thats ok bc its been FOREVER since I've even tried! So I had several spurts where I ran (prob only for a couple minutes at a time) but it was good! Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can become a runner!
It wasn't even that hot- and just when I'd get tired, I'd round the corner and see the beautiful Lakes or a water fountain thing or some ducks or pretty trees. The sprinklers kept coming on too which was a nice welcoming cool splash of water! It was great! I almost felt like a kid who gets excited about running through the sprinklers! And there were even rainbows on occasion through the sprinklers!
Just wanted to post! It was NOT so bad... fun to get out my running shoes and nice to have quiet time around the lakes and trees and nature!
Though I think I've decided that I do better when I run/walk around water!! It helps me be motivated much more so than a track!
Thats right- I didn't want to post about it before I did it... but I did. Not for long... but I enjoyed it. I actually enjoyed it. I stopped when I got tired/winded and then I picked up again... and I pushed myself some (not a ton but some).
The story:
I decided I needed a day off on Wed. SO I took one! Nate was at my mom's for Library Reading day and so I got up thinking I"d take a shower and get ready for the day... but something stopped me.
NOPE! I'm gonna go over to the Village and I'm gonna walk and spend time w God!
So I did... for about 30 min or so. Not super long- but thats ok bc its been FOREVER since I've even tried! So I had several spurts where I ran (prob only for a couple minutes at a time) but it was good! Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can become a runner!
It wasn't even that hot- and just when I'd get tired, I'd round the corner and see the beautiful Lakes or a water fountain thing or some ducks or pretty trees. The sprinklers kept coming on too which was a nice welcoming cool splash of water! It was great! I almost felt like a kid who gets excited about running through the sprinklers! And there were even rainbows on occasion through the sprinklers!
Just wanted to post! It was NOT so bad... fun to get out my running shoes and nice to have quiet time around the lakes and trees and nature!
Though I think I've decided that I do better when I run/walk around water!! It helps me be motivated much more so than a track!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Just a thought...
In case you're wondering - I'm ok. Relatively speaking. God is doing stuff in me and I've faced some trials recently that I would have rather run away from than faced... But I've faced them.. and mostly got through relatively unharmed...
On another of the blogs I read daily (the Daniel Fam) I was struck by something her husband told her... this is totally a paraphrase... but when she was stressing about the future and about planning for tomorrow and trying to figure stuff out, he reminded her that the situation they are in (preemie in NICU in D.C.) is not a punishment from God for something they did "wrong".
How often do I feel like GOd is punishing me for bad choices like I would punish my son and that his punishment is x,y, and z hard trial. So then, I was just reminded of the following verse... one of my ALL TIME FAV's...
James 1 vs 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
"Consider it PURE JOY when you face trials". Not just Joy. Pure joy. I think about that like the kind of joy that a small child has when they play with their favorite toy or get their favorite food or see their mommies after being away from them for a week, a day, an hour! He wants us to act like a child w their favorite things when we are in the middle of tough stuff. I haven't felt like a child lately... But I believe His way is best and I believe that He can be trusted (well I dont TOTALLY believe I can trust Him right now... honestly... but I"m trying to.)
He continues saying that the testing of our Faith (in Him, in things we can't see, etc) will lead to perseverance and maturity. He wants us to be MATURE and COMPLETE... lacking NOTHING. Sometimes I wish he'd just let me be incomplete bc maybe it wouldn't be so hard or hurt so bad... but I have to believe His ways are best. And to even be thankful that he cares enough to finish what he started in me... he doesn't want to give up. He doesn't want to have a 1/2 completed masterpiece.
I think about my recent fliers and publications I've done at work... and how I want to complete them... make them into EXACTLY what I had envisioned... even if it takes me 1/2 the morning after I think its "done" to make it "COMPLETE"... resize a font here, add a graphic there, change some colors, etc. Then Finally... finally... its complete. It lacks nothing. I'm satisfied and even proud of the work I finished.. but it doesn't happen instantly. It takes time... and then just when you get it close to what it should look like... there's even more "tweaking".
Why don't I trust him to finish "tweaking" me?
That passage continues with : 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
So if I doubt Him.... if I doubt His word is truth.... if I doubt He wants the best for me... if I doubt His plans... I"m "double minded" and shouldnt' expect to receive ANYTHING from the Lord.
OUCH!
So maybe I'll get to work on this trust thing. Maybe I'll give up my "right to understand" as Lori said below (in Trust #3) and then maybe I'll believe its worth it. Maybe I'll believe I'm not being punished... and that he's holding me when I'm sad and hasn't abandoned me ever... even for a moment... Maybe. It seems so hard right now.
Then I keep reading in James...
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
Maybe its worth it... I mean... I'm pretty sure it is. The Crown of Life seems pretty cool.... I want to look back and say I stood the test... I guess only time will tell!
On another of the blogs I read daily (the Daniel Fam) I was struck by something her husband told her... this is totally a paraphrase... but when she was stressing about the future and about planning for tomorrow and trying to figure stuff out, he reminded her that the situation they are in (preemie in NICU in D.C.) is not a punishment from God for something they did "wrong".
How often do I feel like GOd is punishing me for bad choices like I would punish my son and that his punishment is x,y, and z hard trial. So then, I was just reminded of the following verse... one of my ALL TIME FAV's...
James 1 vs 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
"Consider it PURE JOY when you face trials". Not just Joy. Pure joy. I think about that like the kind of joy that a small child has when they play with their favorite toy or get their favorite food or see their mommies after being away from them for a week, a day, an hour! He wants us to act like a child w their favorite things when we are in the middle of tough stuff. I haven't felt like a child lately... But I believe His way is best and I believe that He can be trusted (well I dont TOTALLY believe I can trust Him right now... honestly... but I"m trying to.)
He continues saying that the testing of our Faith (in Him, in things we can't see, etc) will lead to perseverance and maturity. He wants us to be MATURE and COMPLETE... lacking NOTHING. Sometimes I wish he'd just let me be incomplete bc maybe it wouldn't be so hard or hurt so bad... but I have to believe His ways are best. And to even be thankful that he cares enough to finish what he started in me... he doesn't want to give up. He doesn't want to have a 1/2 completed masterpiece.
I think about my recent fliers and publications I've done at work... and how I want to complete them... make them into EXACTLY what I had envisioned... even if it takes me 1/2 the morning after I think its "done" to make it "COMPLETE"... resize a font here, add a graphic there, change some colors, etc. Then Finally... finally... its complete. It lacks nothing. I'm satisfied and even proud of the work I finished.. but it doesn't happen instantly. It takes time... and then just when you get it close to what it should look like... there's even more "tweaking".
Why don't I trust him to finish "tweaking" me?
That passage continues with : 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
So if I doubt Him.... if I doubt His word is truth.... if I doubt He wants the best for me... if I doubt His plans... I"m "double minded" and shouldnt' expect to receive ANYTHING from the Lord.
OUCH!
So maybe I'll get to work on this trust thing. Maybe I'll give up my "right to understand" as Lori said below (in Trust #3) and then maybe I'll believe its worth it. Maybe I'll believe I'm not being punished... and that he's holding me when I'm sad and hasn't abandoned me ever... even for a moment... Maybe. It seems so hard right now.
Then I keep reading in James...
12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
Maybe its worth it... I mean... I'm pretty sure it is. The Crown of Life seems pretty cool.... I want to look back and say I stood the test... I guess only time will tell!
Pain.
So the end of this made me cry. Maybe one day I'll have my own reflections to post... but for now, I'm pretty sure the Lord is speaking to me through these other people about trusting him, knowing he loves me, and that he hurts with me. - Tiff
From : http://andreaandcamryn.blogspot.com/
Last night Camryn experienced a part of life that hurts and seeing my baby go through that just about killed me. I got a text from her Dad that told me that Cocoa, their dog at her Mamaw's house, died and that Camryn probably saw it. I sent a text to Judy telling her I was sorry to hear Cocoa died and asked if Camryn was ok. She told me that Camryn was fine just puzzled by what happened as they were. When Camryn got to my mom's house she was in good spirits so I was thinking it was smooth sailing. On the way home Camryn said "It's like I have a record playing over and over in my head". I asked her what she had stuck in her head, thinking it was going to be a song, because this happens to her a lot...she's just got the music in her. Her response ripped my heart out and I knew what was coming. She said, "Go get Papaw and tell him Cocoa is dead...go get Papaw and tell him Cocoa is dead...I just keep hearing it over and over". As she was telling me this her little innocent voice got shaky and then the tears came. When we got home we sat down and I just held her as she cried and kept saying "I just want Cocoa alive". It was killing me. I had no comforting or inspirational words, I just rocked her and cried with her and told her it's ok to be sad and to cry. Y'all it was almost more than I could take. I sent her dad a text telling him Camryn was really upset. He called and she talked to him and her brothers and that seemed to help a little bit. She drew a picture and told me she would always remember Cocoa and for me not to worry that she would get over it. She would pull herself together and then it would hit her again and she would start to cry. It made me think about God's love for His children and how it must kill him and rip his heart out when we are hurting and crying. How He must be holding us and crying with us in our times of trouble, telling us it's ok to be sad and that everything will be ok. His love is amazing!
It is a part of life but I'm telling you I would rather hurt a million times than to see my child hurting like that.
From : http://andreaandcamryn.blogspot.com/
Last night Camryn experienced a part of life that hurts and seeing my baby go through that just about killed me. I got a text from her Dad that told me that Cocoa, their dog at her Mamaw's house, died and that Camryn probably saw it. I sent a text to Judy telling her I was sorry to hear Cocoa died and asked if Camryn was ok. She told me that Camryn was fine just puzzled by what happened as they were. When Camryn got to my mom's house she was in good spirits so I was thinking it was smooth sailing. On the way home Camryn said "It's like I have a record playing over and over in my head". I asked her what she had stuck in her head, thinking it was going to be a song, because this happens to her a lot...she's just got the music in her. Her response ripped my heart out and I knew what was coming. She said, "Go get Papaw and tell him Cocoa is dead...go get Papaw and tell him Cocoa is dead...I just keep hearing it over and over". As she was telling me this her little innocent voice got shaky and then the tears came. When we got home we sat down and I just held her as she cried and kept saying "I just want Cocoa alive". It was killing me. I had no comforting or inspirational words, I just rocked her and cried with her and told her it's ok to be sad and to cry. Y'all it was almost more than I could take. I sent her dad a text telling him Camryn was really upset. He called and she talked to him and her brothers and that seemed to help a little bit. She drew a picture and told me she would always remember Cocoa and for me not to worry that she would get over it. She would pull herself together and then it would hit her again and she would start to cry. It made me think about God's love for His children and how it must kill him and rip his heart out when we are hurting and crying. How He must be holding us and crying with us in our times of trouble, telling us it's ok to be sad and that everything will be ok. His love is amazing!
It is a part of life but I'm telling you I would rather hurt a million times than to see my child hurting like that.
TRUST #3??
Hit me again that everything I'm reading is about trust.... so then I realize that I have a big issue with that right now and don't think I can honestly answer yes to either of the questions she poses below. I believe I will get there... but I'm definitely not there now. I hope this encourages you as it did me- Tiff.
From Lori Goode...http://theunpredictableadventure.blogspot.com/
In church on Sunday, a good friend of mine, Sandra, spoke on giving up our right to understand God's actions or restraints - when He does something that hurts and is confusing or when He doesn't do something that we've asked. Sandra said that throughout her life, when difficult circumstances arise in both her life and in others, God has asked her these 2 questions:
1. Do you trust Me?
2. Do you give up your right to understand what I am doing?
Whoa...I was immediately thrown back to this month 5 years ago when these very same questions brought me to a turning point in my faith. And although most of you who read this blog know my story, I feel like there might be someone out there who doesn't or who needs to hear it again. Maybe you feel like God failed you, like He didn't come through for you, or maybe that He's denying you something you've asked for over and over again... Whatever it is that you're dealing with, I want to give you hope.
In May of 2004, after praying and waiting and being sure that I knew how things were going to eventually play out in a certain situation, I was blindsided. I did not just feel like the road made a big turn and I went off course, I felt like God told me to go down a certain road that ended with me going off an uncompleted bridge, straight into a freezing river. I asked myself, "How could I have missed this? How could God not tell me when I asked so many times? Can I even hear the voice of God? Why would a God who claims to love me and know what's best for me allow me to be shattered and utterly lost?" Trying to make sense of what had happened, I was overcome by loss and anger. I shouted out loud to God, "I don't believe You! I don't believe that You know what's best for me! How could this possibly be what's best?! I don't believe that You are good or that You love me! But oh, how I want to! Show yourself to me God! Show me that You are true, that the things I've read and been taught about You are true! Prove Yourself to me!"
And by His grace, He did...
I was too angry and hurt to hear His voice for a while, so He used other things to speak - His people to give word pictures; a Watermark song "Mended"; a section from the book The Princess Bride; a line from the movie LOTR: Return of the King; a dead tree trunk that had a sprig of a new and different tree growing from within. God uses all things to show His grace and reveal Himself, if only we are willing to see.
Over time, I was healed from the loss; but greater than the pain from the loss was the pain of not knowing why. Over and over again I asked for understanding, I pleaded with God to show me why...and the only answer I got was that it was not what He had for me. At first, this was not an acceptable answer, but as He proved Himself to me, showing me His good, loving, merciful character, I was able to release my right to understand and to trust His sovereignty.
Back in high school, I remember sitting in my driveway after midnight with my good friend, Alex. He said something that has stuck with me even 11 years later: "In all situations, we have to remember that God is good and that God is sovereign. If we can remember that, then everything will be okay." (Wow...pretty profound for a 17 year old - thanks Al!). And that's true even today...for me and for you - if we can choose to believe that God is good, that God is sovereign, and (I'd like to add) that He loves us, everything will eventually come into line.
It's when we have an experience with God - when we know Him and have seen His character - that we can believe and trust Him; first came the experience, then the belief and trust. This doesn't mean that we don't question, that we don't get angry, that we don't feel sad and loss; it does mean that God is not afraid of those things and He will prove Himself to us if we humbly ask.
So on Sunday during the ministry time after the sermon was over, I sat reflecting on my situation 5 years ago and I was so thankful - thankful that God proved Himself true to me; that in His mercy He drew me close again; that He was not discouraged by my anger, my doubt, my questions, my accusations; and that because of that situation, my faith was refined, hardened and proved genuine. I don't want to be arrogant; I know that my situation is mild compared with some of the true tragedies that others have gone through. But I hope that even if horror comes to me in greater proportions I will still believe Him true; yet even if I am not, He will prove Himself to be.
My encouragement to you is this: if you are angry, hurt or confused by God's actions or restraints, if His character does not seem to line up with your experience, then humbly ask Him to prove Himself true to you, to show you Who He is and how much He loves you. As one who has experienced this for herself, I know He will be faithful to do it.
Posted by Lori at 8:16 PM
From Lori Goode...http://theunpredictableadventure.blogspot.com/
In church on Sunday, a good friend of mine, Sandra, spoke on giving up our right to understand God's actions or restraints - when He does something that hurts and is confusing or when He doesn't do something that we've asked. Sandra said that throughout her life, when difficult circumstances arise in both her life and in others, God has asked her these 2 questions:
1. Do you trust Me?
2. Do you give up your right to understand what I am doing?
Whoa...I was immediately thrown back to this month 5 years ago when these very same questions brought me to a turning point in my faith. And although most of you who read this blog know my story, I feel like there might be someone out there who doesn't or who needs to hear it again. Maybe you feel like God failed you, like He didn't come through for you, or maybe that He's denying you something you've asked for over and over again... Whatever it is that you're dealing with, I want to give you hope.
In May of 2004, after praying and waiting and being sure that I knew how things were going to eventually play out in a certain situation, I was blindsided. I did not just feel like the road made a big turn and I went off course, I felt like God told me to go down a certain road that ended with me going off an uncompleted bridge, straight into a freezing river. I asked myself, "How could I have missed this? How could God not tell me when I asked so many times? Can I even hear the voice of God? Why would a God who claims to love me and know what's best for me allow me to be shattered and utterly lost?" Trying to make sense of what had happened, I was overcome by loss and anger. I shouted out loud to God, "I don't believe You! I don't believe that You know what's best for me! How could this possibly be what's best?! I don't believe that You are good or that You love me! But oh, how I want to! Show yourself to me God! Show me that You are true, that the things I've read and been taught about You are true! Prove Yourself to me!"
And by His grace, He did...
I was too angry and hurt to hear His voice for a while, so He used other things to speak - His people to give word pictures; a Watermark song "Mended"; a section from the book The Princess Bride; a line from the movie LOTR: Return of the King; a dead tree trunk that had a sprig of a new and different tree growing from within. God uses all things to show His grace and reveal Himself, if only we are willing to see.
Over time, I was healed from the loss; but greater than the pain from the loss was the pain of not knowing why. Over and over again I asked for understanding, I pleaded with God to show me why...and the only answer I got was that it was not what He had for me. At first, this was not an acceptable answer, but as He proved Himself to me, showing me His good, loving, merciful character, I was able to release my right to understand and to trust His sovereignty.
Back in high school, I remember sitting in my driveway after midnight with my good friend, Alex. He said something that has stuck with me even 11 years later: "In all situations, we have to remember that God is good and that God is sovereign. If we can remember that, then everything will be okay." (Wow...pretty profound for a 17 year old - thanks Al!). And that's true even today...for me and for you - if we can choose to believe that God is good, that God is sovereign, and (I'd like to add) that He loves us, everything will eventually come into line.
It's when we have an experience with God - when we know Him and have seen His character - that we can believe and trust Him; first came the experience, then the belief and trust. This doesn't mean that we don't question, that we don't get angry, that we don't feel sad and loss; it does mean that God is not afraid of those things and He will prove Himself to us if we humbly ask.
So on Sunday during the ministry time after the sermon was over, I sat reflecting on my situation 5 years ago and I was so thankful - thankful that God proved Himself true to me; that in His mercy He drew me close again; that He was not discouraged by my anger, my doubt, my questions, my accusations; and that because of that situation, my faith was refined, hardened and proved genuine. I don't want to be arrogant; I know that my situation is mild compared with some of the true tragedies that others have gone through. But I hope that even if horror comes to me in greater proportions I will still believe Him true; yet even if I am not, He will prove Himself to be.
My encouragement to you is this: if you are angry, hurt or confused by God's actions or restraints, if His character does not seem to line up with your experience, then humbly ask Him to prove Himself true to you, to show you Who He is and how much He loves you. As one who has experienced this for herself, I know He will be faithful to do it.
Posted by Lori at 8:16 PM
Friday, May 29, 2009
Trust (#2)
from http://thewacosudans.blogspot.com/ I thought it was good so I'm posting it! Head over to Mr Sudan's blog if you want more of his story!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
This has always been one of my favorite passages of Scripture, but in all honesty it has also been one of the most difficult for me to follow. It has been my M.O. to try to maintain control of my life and all situations. Fortunately that has worked well most of my life (at least for me - those around me may not feel the same), but I feel like I have missed some direction from God and some blessings because of this.
Then with my surgery, I completely lost control of my life and I was forced to re-examine my way of doing things.
The other day I was driving back from the lakehouse with my mother who is now very confused. She was not sure where she was or what was going to happen to her and after answering many questions, I finally said that she just needs to trust me. Her response was "What else can I do?"
It really got me to thinking that that was what God is trying to say to us. He just wants us to trust Him. There are times when we do not know where He is leading and events in our life just do not make sense. At that point we just need to trust Him.
But for me the bigger problem is that I don't realize that I am confused. I go through life trying to control it and thinking that I know where I am going, while in reality I am lost. The first step in trusting is to realize you are confused. We often call this humility. We all need a good dose of it.When I asked my mother if she thought she could trust me, she responded that she knew me and that I was trustworthy. In the same way we can trust God because we know His character. We know that He is good and that He is powerful, and therefore He can take care of us and do what He says He will do. And that is the gist of it.
We have to admit that we do not know it all and turn to One who does. Of course trust is earned and it starts out small and grows as the One we trust shows His trustworthiness. I have a lot to learn in this area. But if God can speak through a donkey, surely He can speak through a confused old lady. We just need to be listening.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
This has always been one of my favorite passages of Scripture, but in all honesty it has also been one of the most difficult for me to follow. It has been my M.O. to try to maintain control of my life and all situations. Fortunately that has worked well most of my life (at least for me - those around me may not feel the same), but I feel like I have missed some direction from God and some blessings because of this.
Then with my surgery, I completely lost control of my life and I was forced to re-examine my way of doing things.
The other day I was driving back from the lakehouse with my mother who is now very confused. She was not sure where she was or what was going to happen to her and after answering many questions, I finally said that she just needs to trust me. Her response was "What else can I do?"
It really got me to thinking that that was what God is trying to say to us. He just wants us to trust Him. There are times when we do not know where He is leading and events in our life just do not make sense. At that point we just need to trust Him.
But for me the bigger problem is that I don't realize that I am confused. I go through life trying to control it and thinking that I know where I am going, while in reality I am lost. The first step in trusting is to realize you are confused. We often call this humility. We all need a good dose of it.When I asked my mother if she thought she could trust me, she responded that she knew me and that I was trustworthy. In the same way we can trust God because we know His character. We know that He is good and that He is powerful, and therefore He can take care of us and do what He says He will do. And that is the gist of it.
We have to admit that we do not know it all and turn to One who does. Of course trust is earned and it starts out small and grows as the One we trust shows His trustworthiness. I have a lot to learn in this area. But if God can speak through a donkey, surely He can speak through a confused old lady. We just need to be listening.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Trust
From a friend's blog. I feel like its universal. It meets me where I was yesterday! I hope it encourages you!
"But He knoweth the way that I take: when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold (Job 23:10). All the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come (Job 14:14b). [So with that being said] Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him. (Job 13:15a)
I have a sneaky suspicion that once you let God know how you feel, He will let you know how He feels and that is, Woman of God, daughter, just trust me. I know what Im doing. If you can just endure a little while longer, you will have the last laugh. Dont faint. Dont get despondent along the way.
Yes, your heart hurts but I couldnt allow this door to open because it was a smoke screen, it wouldve been what you wanted and not what I wanted for you. It would have been an Ishmael (what the flesh wanted) and not an Isaac (what is ordained in the Spirit).
Hold on woman of God. I havent forgotten about you. I know it seems like its taking a long time but everything is going according to my divine plan and will for your life. Youve got to trust me. Even when you dont understand it or what Im doing, you must trust me. Can you do that for me? Can you trust me with your life? Better yet do you trust me? Do you trust that I have
your best interest at heart? Do you trust that I can come through for you? Do you trust that I know what Im doing? Do you trust me to bring you out of this trial? Do you trust me? Do you? I cant hear you?!!! Do you trust me?
Then if you do, let me handle this thing. Let me handle it! I know what Im doing. Do you think I want to see you hurt? Do you think I like watching you suffer through the afflictions? Do you think I like watching you agonize over things when your breakthrough is coming? What kind of Father do you think I am?
Believe me, I want to come to your rescue, although its very tempting, but I cant because if I do, the blessing wont last; you wont get all that Ive ordained for you. Youve gone through too much
emotional damage, youve cried too many tears, youve been through too much these past few years for me to just let you settle for anything. Ive got to let you endure until the end. I cant allow you to give in now.
Trust me,it will be worth it. But you have to trust me.
I know your heart aches. I know youre confused but daughter, the end is nigh; your breakthrough is imminent. I wouldnt be a just God if I didnt allow you to enter into the Promised Land after all this time in the wilderness. Trust me. I need you to trust me. So just trust me. Please trust me. I will not let you down. I promise!!!! "
"But He knoweth the way that I take: when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold (Job 23:10). All the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come (Job 14:14b). [So with that being said] Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him. (Job 13:15a)
I have a sneaky suspicion that once you let God know how you feel, He will let you know how He feels and that is, Woman of God, daughter, just trust me. I know what Im doing. If you can just endure a little while longer, you will have the last laugh. Dont faint. Dont get despondent along the way.
Yes, your heart hurts but I couldnt allow this door to open because it was a smoke screen, it wouldve been what you wanted and not what I wanted for you. It would have been an Ishmael (what the flesh wanted) and not an Isaac (what is ordained in the Spirit).
Hold on woman of God. I havent forgotten about you. I know it seems like its taking a long time but everything is going according to my divine plan and will for your life. Youve got to trust me. Even when you dont understand it or what Im doing, you must trust me. Can you do that for me? Can you trust me with your life? Better yet do you trust me? Do you trust that I have
your best interest at heart? Do you trust that I can come through for you? Do you trust that I know what Im doing? Do you trust me to bring you out of this trial? Do you trust me? Do you? I cant hear you?!!! Do you trust me?
Then if you do, let me handle this thing. Let me handle it! I know what Im doing. Do you think I want to see you hurt? Do you think I like watching you suffer through the afflictions? Do you think I like watching you agonize over things when your breakthrough is coming? What kind of Father do you think I am?
Believe me, I want to come to your rescue, although its very tempting, but I cant because if I do, the blessing wont last; you wont get all that Ive ordained for you. Youve gone through too much
emotional damage, youve cried too many tears, youve been through too much these past few years for me to just let you settle for anything. Ive got to let you endure until the end. I cant allow you to give in now.
Trust me,it will be worth it. But you have to trust me.
I know your heart aches. I know youre confused but daughter, the end is nigh; your breakthrough is imminent. I wouldnt be a just God if I didnt allow you to enter into the Promised Land after all this time in the wilderness. Trust me. I need you to trust me. So just trust me. Please trust me. I will not let you down. I promise!!!! "
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
