Monday, April 26, 2010

He Speaks

So lately- I've been thinking about life and things we get ourselves into without really having any idea where they would lead or what they would mean.   Its easy to look back on certain decisions and say- Oh ya- of COURSE that was the right one.  I'm SO glad I chose it... and we forget the fight EVERYDAY inside of us on the way to make those choices.

I looked at my Fav Addison Road girl- Jenny's- blog this morning and the last part really struck me.  I'll copy the last part here but the entire blog can be found HERE

Did I have any idea what I was getting myself into? Did I have any clue that life would happen? Or did God protect me from that little piece of information?

Like he does before you have a baby.

Protects you from knowing how brutal the first few weeks will actually be with strange fluids, aching legs, sore breasts, the strange fear of defeat, utter exhaustion, and a complete certainty that the critter in the other room has stopped breathing.

Maybe that's how we do life. If we knew ahead of time, we would run. So, we live innocently. Freely. Without fear. And when we have to grow up. When we have to face the fire. When the flames get hot...

well, that's when we learn to fight another day.

We grow up because we have to.

But we are changed in the process... because we want to.
I've been challenged recently in my obedience and I'm feeling rather introspective about it. 

Obedience is so much better than we believe.  We think we know best- I mean I know I do! (maybe I'm alone in that??)

"God- you mean you want me to go where? At what time? but WHY!? It doesn't make sense... don't you know that {x,y,z excuse for why its not a good idea or its not safe or its not worth it}... and you STILL want me to go!? Really?"

How often do we go through that and let the excuses and the logic out-weigh His Voice.

His Voice
 Do you know it? Are you SURE when you hear it?! How can you become sure? What if you're wrong? What if you made it up? Can you trust what you hear?

Now I know there are people at all different points in their journey with God and in the way they hear Him.  I've been on my own journey in this for the last few years.  I've LONGED for the intimacy I believe my friends have with my God.  I've STRUGGLED with insecurity bc maybe He just doesn't want to talk to me like He does to them.  I've FOUGHT for time to spend with Him when I feel like I'm not "getting anything".  I've WONDERED if i'm missing something or not good enough or 'spiritual enough' or something.  I've DOUBTED the things I did hear and been afraid to write them down bc maybe I got it wrong. 

BUT then through all the LONGING, the STRUGGLING, the FIGHTING, the WONDERING and the DOUBTING - I've LEARNED He wants to be found and He IS speaking.  All the time.

He is excited when i get up and run to Him- just like I'm delighted when Nate gets up in the morning and comes running to me for a hug before he starts his day.  Its sweet.  That small (seemingly insignificant but oh-so-natural little thing) lets me know Nate wanted to see ME first before doing anything else (except maybe the potty!) 

THAT is what God wants from us!! To LONG to run to His arms for a good morning hug.  To wake up and He's the first thing we think of. 

But HOW?
How do we program ourselves to naturally run to Him first?  How do we wake up with Him on our minds? 

I don't really know what the "secret" is or how you get there.  But I can tell you- I think I finally am there!  Its so much fun!! I want to spend time with Him! I want to acknowledge Him.  I WANT to read his word in the morning (AND TRUST ME- this is HUGE for me!) and not just to check off some bible study - but bc I KNOW he's going to love on me, to encourage me, and to go deeper with ME!

How did I get there?

Spending time with Him.  Genius right?!  Who would have thought that its by spending time with soemone that we REALLY get to know them and then by getting to know them WANT to spend more time with them.  Its such a FUN Catch 22!  I think its the BEST Catch 22 actually! 

But it has to start somewhere!

You have to make a CHOICE that you're going to seek him even when you
  • dont feel like it.
  • have skipped a day (or a week)
  • dont think you're 'hearing' anything
  • see it as duty - not necessarily delight
  • wonder what the point is if all of the above is true
And I am completely convinced that when you make that choice- you will be AMAZED at the fruit that comes.  You'll be AMAZED at how His {still quiet small} voice will become louder than all the rest.  You'll be AMAZED at how you LONG to hear it.  You'll be AMAZED by how much He actually IS pursuing YOU (and you thought you were doing all the work?!) You'll be AMAZED at the verses he takes you to and how they relate so perfectly to what's happening in your world at that moment!

And then one day- You'll just wake up and before you get out of bed, you WANT to talk to HIM! 

It won't always be easy, you won't always be flooded w deep revelation.  I think its like a friendship w your best friend - sometimes you are "on" and finishing eachothers sentences and then others - things are a little "off"... but you still keep hanging out with the friend and {hopefully}it comes back "On" again and both of you are better for the dry season.  Your relationship is stronger bc you weathered the storm.  You have learned to love deeper and value what you have. And You believe its worth it!

So ask yourself: Do you believe its worth it to pursue God?  Do you believe its worth it to seek His voice?  Do you believe its worth it to be obedient when it doesn't make ANY sense what he's asking you to do? 

I think its a daily struggle sometimes- but how bout today?  Is it worth it?

For me- it totally is!

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