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Enjoy!

Tiff

My Child, the Genius!

Ok so I've never really devoted an entire blog to my child... As much as I love reading my friend's blogs about their precious little ones and seeing pics, I just haven't had the urge to brag about my little man so much (I do it on Facebook and to various friends and family as often as possible though- dont get me wrong!) Its just this blog was originally gonna be more about morphing into a new creation... and just all about... ME! hehe

HOWEVER, I can not be narcissistic any longer.  Because I have now decided I am the proud mother of a boy-wonder, a genius, a mini-einstein if you will! (and I will!)

His Daycare director emailed me this morning some shots of the work the class was doing.   The class was given some random everyday supplies and told to create something.. anything!

I'll let the pic speak for itself: 

Here he is concentrating SO hard on his creation of toothpicks and mini marshmallows.

And now, here's the work in progress.....

And there he is Ladies & Gents- my little Nathan, my gift, my genius. 

He's making a 3 D object with NO assistance from his teacher. 

He came up with the idea himself.. and while his peers are making 2D marshmallow suns with toothpick rays flat on the table- he's making a 3D cube!  And- did I mention that he's only 3? (well for another few hrs anyway!)

Speaking of his age... tomorrow is his bday.  4 years ago today, I was in the hospital being induced... not sure what to expect of labor, delivery, or motherhood...  excited to see what he looked like and if he was a "cute" baby or one of the funny squishy looking ones.  3 yrs and 364 days ago at around 2:45am.... he came into my life and things have never been the same.  And I wouldn't change it for the world!

Here are just a very FEW things that i LOVE about my Nathan Riley:

• His Smile- and how it lights up his whole face
• His Laugh- and how you can't help but smile when you hear it
• His Funny Faces- and how expressive he is
• His Sense of Humor - that I'm sure he got from his dad
• His cuddliness- and how he loves to crawl in my bed in the mornings if he gets up first
• How he says "I just love you mommy" as he looks into my eyes or touches my face.
• How aware he is of his world.
• How smart he is and so quick to pick up things.
• The way he cares about people and asks questions about our friends & fam
• The way he has been enjoying reading stories in our Kids Bible, learning scriptures with me (to songs of course) and learning how to pray for others!

Ok- that was just a top 10 of the first things that came to mind at the moment.

I'm so proud of my little guy! Can't wait to see what the future holds for us! :)

Thanks for letting me brag!

XOXO

Tiff

Death isn't so bad...

Because in death- there is LIFE and ABUNDANT life at that. 

Thats all!

I just wanted to say that death really isn't ALL bad...

My thoughts are kinda jumbled and I"m kinda tired at the moment... but I feel like I'm really moving somewhere... finally.  Its taken 23 yrs as a believer in Christ to realize I REALLY want the relationship... and 23 yrs to realize that I didn't have the closeness, the faith, the hope, or even the peace that I've always thought I did... bc HE has pointed out the areas where I'm weak - in the MOST loving way possible!  And when He points stuff out, its because he wants to fix it.  James 1.  He wants to make ME complete.  He cares about me!  He has a plan for me and a purpose for me and he wants to give me hope and a future!  He didn't say he wants to give me the exact future I've dreamed of... but he did make me promises!  And I know that HE is one who keeps his promises. No matter what! 

I've been reading in the Old Testament lately and realized something... God is a God of details.  I mean teeny tiny details.  Of course we've heard the scriptures about him counting the hair on our heads and feeding the birds and clothing the flowers... but really- in the OT.. he gives GREAT details on stuff.  Anyone ever read Exodus? Like all the way through?  Oh. My. Lanta!! So first he gives specific instructions to the Israelites on where to go... then to moses on the "laws of the age" - including the 10 commandments- but ALSO stuff like "if 2 men are quarelling and a pregnant woman is injured, you must do xyz..." (this is my paraphrase of course)... and then with the Ark of the Covenant instructions and even Noah's Ark instructions.  I mean he gives DIMINSIONS and fabric specs and all SORTS of stuff!!  It was FASCINATING to me that God said this. 

He is so caring.  He laid it all out- the people were quarrelling all the time- so he gave them laws... not just the 10 commandments- though thats what we think of... but all sorts of laws on what to do in interpersonal relationships.  He gave us EVERYTHING we need to follow His will.  It really has just impressed upon me that he is SUCH a God of Details!  So anytime I think that maybe problem q is too small for Him to really care about... or that I'm wasting His time by asking the MILLION questions I ask him... I can now look back at this book and realize - He loves us.  He cares about what we care about. And He wants his people to be equipped!  Anyway- that was just a random side-note.

  I want the day to day interaction with Jesus.  I want to talk with him and listen to him and sit with him.  I want to live a life fully surrendered - whatever that looks like! I want to trust him & I want to be ok not knowing what it will mean or what sacrifice I'll have to give bc I want to believe that no matter what - his way is BEST! 

He wants to talk to me.  He wants to listen to me. He will never give me more than I can handle.  He wants to hold me in his arms and cry with me when I hurt.  He wants to guide me in the day to day and he's ok w my Million questions! :)  He WILL keep His promises.  He will work all things for good... even when I dont follow his detailed plan for me every step of the way.  He will work it all out for HIS glory! 

I'm learning to trust Him.  I'm learning to Obey.  I'm learning to walk the narrow. 

Its good.....

See- dying to yourself really isn't so bad!

Defeat & Death and Katie.

ok so I know its been a while since I've posted... (It always annoys me when ppl post excuses and appologies when I read blogs... and yet- here I've done it.)

I haven't been doing a lot of running or anything lately- minus a 30 min workout in Mexico when we visited Nate's dad several weeks ago... so i felt like I didn't have anything to post. I felt defeated. I started this blog about "who I was becoming" because we are all works in progress... and I really hoped it would end with me being like "WorkoutMommy" or at least sorta fit... or maybe having dropped a few sizes and lbs... But so far I'm still not making a lot of progress in that area. I was so determined... but now it just doesn't seem to be possible, worth the effort, doable, etc. I feel defeated sorta... and only by my own self... only by my own lack of discipline....

However, I have a LOT going on in other areas... and so I've decided while I haven't spent much time on my physical self lately... i've really been growing and learning in my emotional and spiritual self. I wish they were all 3 meshed together and you couldn't grow one without the other... but honestly it just takes a LOT of effort/time/energy/insert other excuse here to do it all.

So for now... I'll give you a short update on the rest of me (as if anyone really was waiting for the next blog or hanging on baited breath to see what TIFFANY is doing... ) and then I'll send you to somewhere REALLY worthwhile... a blog I happened upon this morning that left me in tears and changed (in a good way.)

So after a season of stepping back from a lot of activities/leadership/etc and really trying to enjoy myself, Nate, God, Friends, etc (those are totally in the wrong order... ) I felt called to do "Elevate". Its a discipleship training school at my church. We will learn a lot, read a lot, memorize scripture, grow closer together, and really seek to serve the Lord outside of ourselves. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I haven't done much of the above on my own so the good Lord has led me to a school where I'll be FORCED to grow. I use forced in a good way... This is going to be tough though. I'm not really very disciplined... (see above paragraphs about working out.) I've squeaked by in life, and managed to do ok at stuff... I've done enough to just get by... nothing too outstanding.. I do whats required and not much more. I'm selfish. Really. I am. I dont love people well. I judge others and have pride in my heart at things that I have no right to feel pride for. I want to serve- but on MY terms(read: enough to get by and complete a checklist), not the Lords (complete abandonment).

I'm overwhelmed. This is going to be a tough year. I'm going to have to DIE to myself. DIE. Every single day. Die to my plans. Die to my wants. But really- I'm 29 yrs old. I've known God since I was 6. Its kinda ridiculous that its taken me 23 years to realize its time to DIE. My only comfort is that Jesus started his ministry at 30... he did a ton in 3 short years... surely there's hope for me to change my 'norm'. Surely. I want to change it. I want to become CRAZY for HIM! I want to do things the world thinks are totally absurd for HIM. I want to love people for HIM. I want to get out of my own head and into the hearts of others FOR HIM. I want to stop judging people FOR HIM. I want to be an intercessor FOR HIM. I want it all FOR HIM! I want to change the world FOR HIM!
and then... i realize that means sacrifice... and that means death. Death to MY dreams, MY desires- because they are not His desires. They aren't.
and then... I'm scared. Scared of failing... and even scared of succeeding. I'm scared about what that would even look like. And I'm scared that when I get there- I'll decide the cost was too great. But could it ever REALLY be too great?! The church answer is def not. My real answer- I'm not sure.

So here we are at the beginning of a journey that I believe is going to be good... that I intentionally placed myself on... intentionally not knowing what it was going to require and now feeling completely overwhelmed.

Speaking of overwhelming... I just found a blog today through one of my friends from BRH days at Baylor, Jenny Chisolm Simmons of Addison Road. Jenny's blog is great- she's a new mommy and she shares with such REALness and humor the not-so-glam world of being in a hit band, following God at all costs and her struggle with the good and the bad. I LOVE reading her posts and I'm pretty sure you will too! HOWEVER, today- she had an entire post of reaction to someone else- Katie. See Jenny's blog about Katie here:

So if you didn't read Jenny's summary of Katie and her blog... at least click on Katie's blog. She's just a girl who grew up in the South, and now serves God in Africa doing things she never would have been able to do on her own... and loving it. After reading her blog- my issues... dying to myself... finding a little discipline... they don't seem like that big of a deal. I'm going to be thinking about the things I read for a while... and then hopefully dying to myself and stepping out to do something for HIM.

Let me know what you think. I'd love to hear your perspective.

Love
Tiffany, the dying one.

Guess what?

I ran!

Thats right- I didn't want to post about it before I did it... but I did. Not for long... but I enjoyed it. I actually enjoyed it. I stopped when I got tired/winded and then I picked up again... and I pushed myself some (not a ton but some).

The story:
I decided I needed a day off on Wed. SO I took one! Nate was at my mom's for Library Reading day and so I got up thinking I"d take a shower and get ready for the day... but something stopped me.
NOPE! I'm gonna go over to the Village and I'm gonna walk and spend time w God!

So I did... for about 30 min or so. Not super long- but thats ok bc its been FOREVER since I've even tried! So I had several spurts where I ran (prob only for a couple minutes at a time) but it was good! Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can become a runner!

It wasn't even that hot- and just when I'd get tired, I'd round the corner and see the beautiful Lakes or a water fountain thing or some ducks or pretty trees. The sprinklers kept coming on too which was a nice welcoming cool splash of water! It was great! I almost felt like a kid who gets excited about running through the sprinklers! And there were even rainbows on occasion through the sprinklers!

Just wanted to post! It was NOT so bad... fun to get out my running shoes and nice to have quiet time around the lakes and trees and nature!

Though I think I've decided that I do better when I run/walk around water!! It helps me be motivated much more so than a track!

Just a thought...

In case you're wondering - I'm ok. Relatively speaking. God is doing stuff in me and I've faced some trials recently that I would have rather run away from than faced... But I've faced them.. and mostly got through relatively unharmed...

On another of the blogs I read daily (the Daniel Fam) I was struck by something her husband told her... this is totally a paraphrase... but when she was stressing about the future and about planning for tomorrow and trying to figure stuff out, he reminded her that the situation they are in (preemie in NICU in D.C.) is not a punishment from God for something they did "wrong".

How often do I feel like GOd is punishing me for bad choices like I would punish my son and that his punishment is x,y, and z hard trial. So then, I was just reminded of the following verse... one of my ALL TIME FAV's...

James 1 vs 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

"Consider it PURE JOY when you face trials". Not just Joy. Pure joy. I think about that like the kind of joy that a small child has when they play with their favorite toy or get their favorite food or see their mommies after being away from them for a week, a day, an hour! He wants us to act like a child w their favorite things when we are in the middle of tough stuff. I haven't felt like a child lately... But I believe His way is best and I believe that He can be trusted (well I dont TOTALLY believe I can trust Him right now... honestly... but I"m trying to.)

He continues saying that the testing of our Faith (in Him, in things we can't see, etc) will lead to perseverance and maturity. He wants us to be MATURE and COMPLETE... lacking NOTHING. Sometimes I wish he'd just let me be incomplete bc maybe it wouldn't be so hard or hurt so bad... but I have to believe His ways are best. And to even be thankful that he cares enough to finish what he started in me... he doesn't want to give up. He doesn't want to have a 1/2 completed masterpiece.

I think about my recent fliers and publications I've done at work... and how I want to complete them... make them into EXACTLY what I had envisioned... even if it takes me 1/2 the morning after I think its "done" to make it "COMPLETE"... resize a font here, add a graphic there, change some colors, etc. Then Finally... finally... its complete. It lacks nothing. I'm satisfied and even proud of the work I finished.. but it doesn't happen instantly. It takes time... and then just when you get it close to what it should look like... there's even more "tweaking".

Why don't I trust him to finish "tweaking" me?

That passage continues with : 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

So if I doubt Him.... if I doubt His word is truth.... if I doubt He wants the best for me... if I doubt His plans... I"m "double minded" and shouldnt' expect to receive ANYTHING from the Lord.

OUCH!

So maybe I'll get to work on this trust thing. Maybe I'll give up my "right to understand" as Lori said below (in Trust #3) and then maybe I'll believe its worth it. Maybe I'll believe I'm not being punished... and that he's holding me when I'm sad and hasn't abandoned me ever... even for a moment... Maybe. It seems so hard right now.

Then I keep reading in James...

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Maybe its worth it... I mean... I'm pretty sure it is. The Crown of Life seems pretty cool.... I want to look back and say I stood the test... I guess only time will tell!