Death isn't so bad...

Because in death- there is LIFE and ABUNDANT life at that. 

Thats all!

I just wanted to say that death really isn't ALL bad...

My thoughts are kinda jumbled and I"m kinda tired at the moment... but I feel like I'm really moving somewhere... finally.  Its taken 23 yrs as a believer in Christ to realize I REALLY want the relationship... and 23 yrs to realize that I didn't have the closeness, the faith, the hope, or even the peace that I've always thought I did... bc HE has pointed out the areas where I'm weak - in the MOST loving way possible!  And when He points stuff out, its because he wants to fix it.  James 1.  He wants to make ME complete.  He cares about me!  He has a plan for me and a purpose for me and he wants to give me hope and a future!  He didn't say he wants to give me the exact future I've dreamed of... but he did make me promises!  And I know that HE is one who keeps his promises. No matter what! 

I've been reading in the Old Testament lately and realized something... God is a God of details.  I mean teeny tiny details.  Of course we've heard the scriptures about him counting the hair on our heads and feeding the birds and clothing the flowers... but really- in the OT.. he gives GREAT details on stuff.  Anyone ever read Exodus? Like all the way through?  Oh. My. Lanta!! So first he gives specific instructions to the Israelites on where to go... then to moses on the "laws of the age" - including the 10 commandments- but ALSO stuff like "if 2 men are quarelling and a pregnant woman is injured, you must do xyz..." (this is my paraphrase of course)... and then with the Ark of the Covenant instructions and even Noah's Ark instructions.  I mean he gives DIMINSIONS and fabric specs and all SORTS of stuff!!  It was FASCINATING to me that God said this. 

He is so caring.  He laid it all out- the people were quarrelling all the time- so he gave them laws... not just the 10 commandments- though thats what we think of... but all sorts of laws on what to do in interpersonal relationships.  He gave us EVERYTHING we need to follow His will.  It really has just impressed upon me that he is SUCH a God of Details!  So anytime I think that maybe problem q is too small for Him to really care about... or that I'm wasting His time by asking the MILLION questions I ask him... I can now look back at this book and realize - He loves us.  He cares about what we care about. And He wants his people to be equipped!  Anyway- that was just a random side-note.

  I want the day to day interaction with Jesus.  I want to talk with him and listen to him and sit with him.  I want to live a life fully surrendered - whatever that looks like! I want to trust him & I want to be ok not knowing what it will mean or what sacrifice I'll have to give bc I want to believe that no matter what - his way is BEST! 

He wants to talk to me.  He wants to listen to me. He will never give me more than I can handle.  He wants to hold me in his arms and cry with me when I hurt.  He wants to guide me in the day to day and he's ok w my Million questions! :)  He WILL keep His promises.  He will work all things for good... even when I dont follow his detailed plan for me every step of the way.  He will work it all out for HIS glory! 

I'm learning to trust Him.  I'm learning to Obey.  I'm learning to walk the narrow. 

Its good.....

See- dying to yourself really isn't so bad!