His Bounty

Leap of Faith

Things have been pretty tight financially since quitting my job.. (actually who am I kidding... they were tight before quitting my job!) and this month they were the tightest they've been.  I wasnt' sure how Rent was going to get paid, but somehow things always work out... So, I wrote my roommate a check and told her she couldn't cash it. It was a long weekend as I prayed and tried to figure out what I could do to make up the money. Monday came around and my circumstances hadn't changed. Actually- I'd had 2 photoshoots cancel over the weekend where I would have gotten pd.  I was super discouraged.  Well luckily on Monday, I had some stuff come in from previous work and was pd in advance for a couple other things I'm working on - so Rent got pd in the nick of time and I had $3 left in my bank account after the check was cashed - but I felt RICH! I was thankful! Relieved. I didn't' know how other bills/gas/food was going to work out- but I paid my roommate and God provided.

BREAKING POINT - Sunday

However, through this process the last few weeks, I started to really question God's love for me. And Sunday was my breaking point. I've always been a person full of hope and faith, but on Sunday I was just telling Him I'd had it and he was not being faithful to His promises to provide for me, or the word he gave me in 2007 of having "financial Abundance in order to not just meet my own need, but to bless others."  Its been hard since I took the scary leap of faith that I felt He called me to (quitting job) but never as hard as it was this month... at Christmas.. .when I have a 6 yr old who I want to provide for. 

 So at church Sunday during ministry time, they were singing "How He Loves Us" and I was just sobbing- not bc I didnt' have money bc I knew that would work out some how... (it kinda always does in my world thankfully) but bc I felt like he didn't really love me.  I started to believe that song wasn't about me.  I was the exception. He had forgotten me. My family struggled financially as I grew up and now I was following in their footsteps.  I started to believe that he called me out onto a tree branch to just saw it off behind me and I was sad and more than that, deeply, deeply, hurt. I sobbed more than I've cried in a year. And it wasn't about the rent.  It was just about feeling forgotten and unloved.  

I cried most of the day on and off.  Couldn't stop. Was just so hurt and sad. 

Side note: BEST CHILD EVER

So Nate was around and knew I wasn't ok, but just kinda played, etc.  Well, towards the end of the day, I had been doing ok but then a friend called to check on me from earlier and I started crying again.  Nate got in my lap and just stared intently at my face.... every time a tear would roll down my cheek, he would wipe it off. So sweet.  So when I hung up, he told me everything was goign to be ok.  And then he prayed for me.  It was simple - "God, please bring my mommy a husband so she doesn't have to be alone. And God help her to not be sad because she thinks you dont love her - because it isn't true, you do love her. And Jesus Name amen."

And then he told me some knock knock jokes to make me laugh.  So so sweet.

Then he got in bed and asked me to come in and pray w him. 

He prayed: "God, thank you that we have this house and thank you that we aren't poor like the people that don't have a house. And thank you that we have food.  And God please help them to not be poor anymore so they have a place to live and food to eat.  In Jesus Name, Amen." I started crying again... I love that kid. He is so empathetic and he truly has wisdom beyond his years.

I think that was the turning point for me.  He put things in perspective.  We have a warm home, we have clothes, we have a fridge full of food, we have transportation, and we are truly RICH.  My heart started to soften then. I started to relax and His peace overwhelmed me.  I was still in Need, but it just didn't seem so big anymore. 

DAY OF LOVE:: WEdnesday

So during the day yesterday, a girl I used to disciple called and said she wanted to take me to shop for Nate for Christmas. I was thrilled $and so thankful and had a blast getting him stuff that I prob wouldn't have this yr (like a super cute robe and adorable jammies from Children's Place!) I was blown away and just felt like God was showing me He was going to provide for Nate even when I had JUST told my roommate that I wasn't sure I would be buying Nate presents - but that he'd just have to be ok w stuff from extended fam, grand parents, etc (which honestly would be plenty!). But God met a need that I didn't even ask for. He went over and above and He blessed my sweet little boy through this friend. 

Then last night, we had a great lg at my house.  I was supposed to lead worship and though I didnt' feel like I had much to give after all of the crying, etc this week, Holy Spirit showed up and guided our worship and it was a sweet sweet time singing about spending time with him and His love for us.  

So then, a close friend showed up at the end of LG to supposedly talk... but after a few minutes, one by one more and more of my single friends showed up at my house and came in. I was pretty surprised to see everyone and not sure what they were doing here, but then when everyone got situated standing in a big circle alll smiling and staring at me, they just said something like "We just wanted to let you know that God does love you. And we do too. So we all got together in the last 2 days and raised some money for you" And then they pull out this huge posterboard check in the amount of $2090.00. 

I was just in shock! 30 single people 12 days before Christmas all gave enough money to get me 2 THOUSAND 90 dollars! And you have to understand, the demographic of these sweet friends is quite varied - from ages 22-31 with all different types of jobs & responsibilities... from Students to Businessmen.  And THEY gave to ME abundantly, unselfishly, extravagantly.  I couldn't laugh or cry or even talk - (sorry friends for the anticlimactic response!). I was just so surprised! And SERIOUSLY SPEECHLESS - which as most of you know RARELY happens for me.  I was just so thankful - but soooo overwhelmed and truly blown away by community. It just couldnt' sink in. 

BOUNTIFUL

Acts 2:42-47 which is our vision for life groups, talks about how the church in Acts all came together and gave to one another as they had need. If this isn't an example of that - I'm not sure what is!!

Its also finally setting in today that God does truly love me and he isn't ignoring me and I'm not forgotten and I'm definitely not alone. And i know that HE WILL provide for me and not just measly scraps or leftovers- but LAVISH gifts fit for a daughter of a King. 

I read in Jeremiah this morning as I was worshiping and trying to process the depths of this, I was led to Jer 31.  The end of Verse 13 -14 says:"I will turn their morning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. I will satisfy the priests with abundance, and my people will be filled with my bounty," declares the Lord.

So what stuck out to me in that verse was the word BOUNTY.   I looked up the word to see what exactly it meant and I found: 

Definition of BOUNTY1: something that is given generously
2: liberality in giving : generosity

So that fits - huh? My community filled me with His BOUNTY.  They were the fulfillment of this Promise from the Lord to me. 

My roommate in all her wisdom last night said that she thought I would continue to process and unpack this and that it would sink in slowly all that this gift means to me and Nate.  But more importantly probably is that the revelation is sinking in that I'm not the red-headed step child - the one that may not actually starve but only gets His leftovers. I'm not destined to be barely getting by like my family when I was growing up.  No, that is a lie.  I am a daughter of the King.  I am a Princess with Keys to the Kingdom. I have a seat at His banquet table.  I have access to His riches...  and finally my Daddy loves me and He will goto EXTRAVAGANT links to make SURE that I dont ever doubt that for too long!

I. Am. Loved.  Its still sinking in. But I know today without a doubt that its true. 

My New Job(s)!!

Introducing:: Tiffany Hines - 

Photographer, Travel Agent, & Sign Salesperson

So most of my friends know that I've recently quit a great job at a local church to pursue more of the passions God has placed on my heart.   

I had another BHAP (big hairy audacious prayer) that I could:: do something that I loved, be creative, help people, make more money than I did before in less hours, be able to pursue volunteer opportunities, be able to pick Nate up every day so he didn't have to goto an afterschool program, and be able to invest in people! 

At first, this was really scary! I didn't know what I'd be doing or where I'd make my money - but HE IS FAITHFUL!! 

So - what am I doing now?

Well - a LOT of things!!  I'm juggling all sorts of hats these days and I LOVE it! I'm going to fill you in!

Tiffany Dawn Photography - Photographer

First, I'm working on growing my photography skills and clientele - as well as my portfolio/web presence.  This one is going to be a slow process as I have felt like its something I will enjoy doing (hopefully as a job & ministry to families) for years to come!   I've talked to a few people that have really encouraged me to pursue all that God has for me in this area and I'm excited to see what he wants to do w that!  If you know anyone in the DFW area that would like to do either Fall Pictures w their families or Christmas Card pictures, I'm booking now!!

Send Me Out Travel - Travel Agent

Second, I'm now getting to work in one of the coolest industries - TRAVEL!  So far I've booked trips to Mexico, Iraq, China and can't wait to book many many more! I'm going to be blogging about why you would use a travel agent in the future - just so you know more abut what I do and why, because I had many questions before I got started of why anyone in my generation would want/need a travel agent!  Obviously, I saw the "why" and joined up w my good friend David Gladney as an agent in his company.  And now from honeymoons to weekend getaways;  hotel stays to flights to car rentals;  to cruises and all-inclusive resorts - I can help you with your next trip!

Amplify Designs - Banners/Signs Sales

Third, I am working with another good friend, Kenten Waldrum, doing sales for his sign company.  He specializes in Church Banners & Signs and does great work!  I used this company all the time when I was at Shiloh and now get to help other churches get banners and things for their congregation.  So if you know any churches or ministries that are looking to do some banners, let me know - or have them go online to see some of our stock banners.  We customize all our banners (sizing, adding logos, changing text or background, etc) at no extra charge to the customer and I've been surprised at how fast our turnaround time is!

So as you can see, I'm staying busy - and if you know me, you know I LOVE that!!  I'm also picking up Nate from school every day at 3:15 from Kindergarten which is something I was LONGING to do but did not see any way that would EVER be possible as a Single Working Mom!  BUT my God is bigger than my circumstances! God made a way for me to do this and to have that sweet time w Nate after school as we play on the playground or go get a treat & I get to hear about his day, help with his homework (yes Kinder has homework!?), and play w my little man!  God is SO good!  I am so thankful!

After a month of this, I am LOVING this change.  I feel like I'm exactly where the Lord wants me and its so fun and freeing! AND on top of that - last month I made $45 more than I would have at my old job!  Its just $45, but still- I felt like it was God's assurance that His hand is in this and HE is my provider! 

1 Chronicles 29:11-12 says:    for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, LORD, is the kingdom;    you are exalted as head over all. ¹² Wealth and honor come from you;    you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power    to exalt and give strength to all. 

IF you would keep me in mind as you hear about people planning trips, needing pictures, or displays for their ministries - I'd appreciate referrals!

Mommy Moment

On the way to school this morning, Nate's in the backseat (duh) and he starts a convo:

Nate: "Mom, today after school can we goto White Rock Lake? Just Us?"
Me: "Maybe.  But how come?" (he NEVER wants to goto the lake - even when I suggest it!)
Nate: "So we can talk."
Me: "oh really?  You want to go talk?" (the last time I suggested that he and I just hang out and talk - he wasn't too fond of that idea either.)
Nate: "Ya.  Just you and me.  We can goto the lake and talk for a little bit.  And then we can go home."
Me: "well, sure Nate.  We can stop at the lake on the way home today.  I'd love to hang out with you and talk."
Nate: "Yay!!"

Ah the sweet moments that make the more difficult ones not matter anymore. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to our little lake date this afternoon to "Talk" to my baby boy!

Ask, Seek, Knock - pt 1

Since my last post, I felt like God wanted me to share something else... so here I am.

Most of us are familiar with the verse in Matthew, but I'll put it here just for a refresher:

  ⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

   ⁹ “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹ If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Ok so after my last post letting you all know the "big secret" - that I'm asking hard core for my husband - I've been pondering this verse.

For a long time I dont think I understood why Ask, Seek, & Knock were all in the same sentence. In my book, they just seemed like a reiteration of the same point.  However, recently, I have come to realize that maybe that isn't the case.

Lets go back to my previous BHAPS and how God worked them out: my car and my home.   They go hand in hand... and its kinda a long story... so  Maybe I'll split them up.

The Volvo:
In 2008 I was working a Commission only job and money came sporadically.  As a single parent, I was having a tough time keeping up with bills on this income and therefore the car that I was making payments on became too much to bear.  It was Repo'd.  I came outside one day and it just wasn't there. That was a bad day!  BUT God had better for me.  My BHAP was: God I need reliable transportation for cheap and SOON.

I opened up to my co leaders in a lifegroup pre meeting.  It was humbling, humiliating, embarassing.  I was failing at something and needed help, needed prayer.  Because I made my needs known quickly in community, my needs were met!  My co-leader at the time calls me the next day and says "My roommate has a Volvo that has just been sitting at our Apt.  He got a new car a while ago and doesn't need it. I think he will just give it to you."  Uh - WHAT? Who just GIVES AWAY cars?

My dad goes to check out the car & even though its been sitting for 6 mo or so- its in decent shape and we end up spending only $1000 to get the car running, inspected, etc.  The car was a 95, but it was great, safe, reliable, sturdy.  It even had leather seats and a moon roof.   BHAP answered.

The Accident:
The volvo was awesome... but then I was coming home from hanging out with friends one night and a guy backed into me in the parking lot of my apt complex.  That night I cried thinking God's great gift was destroyed and now I was at the end of my rope and was again car-less.  I remember feeling devastated and hopeless.  However, GOD works all things for Good!

It ended up being the other guys' fault.  The car was "totaled" according to his insurance and it was worth $4500.  I got a windfall of money from this FREE car and was able to pay for other things I needed.  I put over half in savings.  I hadn't had savings since my sales job depleted it.  The other bonus was that the car still ran! My dad is an amazing mechanic and fixed the car where I could drive it!

The Turn:
So the accident was in April 09, and I was able to drive the car all the time.  However, it had some body damage - something that didnt bother me a bit, but it did bother my apt complex.  It hadn't been a problem because I was gone all day every day at work and returned when the office was closed.  UNTIL... one random day in August when my son was home sick and I got a note on my car saying I had 20 days to get my car fixed or it would be towed anytime it was spotted on property.  Again- this was DEVASTATING!  I was mad.  I didn't know what I was going to do.  I went and talked to the management and they told me that after the 20 days passed, my car would be looked for... and if found on property at any time day, night, or weekend, it would be towed.  But, GOD works all things for Good.


Stay tuned for part 2....

Ask, Seek, Knock - pt 2

Ok so I'm in the middle of my story about BHAPS and cars/houses... go back to pt 1 if you missed it and read that first.  I'm splitting it up bc its long!

The Camry
So there I am at the apts not sure what the next 3 weeks would hold and how I could get a car.  I did now have savings and felt like the Lord told me I could spend $2000 on a car.  It didnt' make sense to spend that on the current car... so I started looking.  At first I was looking for a Honda, but then after taking one to a mechanic, I was told to look for a Camry bc of their reliability and their being easier/cheaper to work on when they break.  So I search auto mags, talk to friends, make my needs known, look at Craigslist, etc.  I found some cars that were 2500 and up that looked decent but honestly felt like the Lord only wanted me to spend $2000.  I wasn't sure how he was going to pull that off.  I was scared... because everything I found in the 2k range was kinda ghetto, run down, lots of miles, looked unreliable.

Randomly, I just fell on an ad that was for a Camry.  Its the car I now drive.  It was exactly $2000.  It had only one owner for the last 15 yrs.  It had every single receipt from every single tire, tune up, oil change.  It was kept in the garage most of its life.  It even had a brand new (3 week old) cd system installed with Aux input (that I could use w my ipod!)  This was DEFINITELY a step up!!  It was a GREAT car.  I bought it the day i saw it and was giddy with thankfulness!  God provided better than I could have imagined.  Better than I should have been able to afford (like models with same mileage/features were typically 1000-1500 more on EVERY search site).   And this happened in the 20 day time limit!  AND I got to sell the Volvo and made $900 to put back in savings.  EXTRA BLESSINGS!!  BHAP answered!

Stay tuned for pt 3 about the House.

Ask, Seek, Knock - pt 3

The House

Because of what happened w the Volvo and my apt, I was annoyed!  I joked about moving.  My dad said "I wish you would."  I was surprised.  It didn't seem like I'd really be able to afford moving.  I barely got by on my own at the apt and surely a house would be more expensive.  My pastor said "You know, it would be good for Nate to move to an area and stay there for longer than a year. It would provide more stability." And two different friends within two days of each other said "You should look into the area around Stonewall, I've heard great things about that school." It was (not so)  random comments like these that led me to where I am now.  It created another BHAP.

My BHAP for a house was this:  I want a safe place where Nate can play.  I want a backyard.  I want a home where I can entertain and host parties.  I want a small garage or storage of some sort so I can get my stuff from my parents.  And it'd be awesome if I could have an ice maker.

It was a HARD 4 months as I asked God for this new home.  It was faith building, but it was gut wrenching, it was discouraging, it was hopeless at times, it was tiring, it was scary... but in the end - it was so worth it.  

I told people what I was looking for. I talked to realtors.  I looked at places.  I prayed about roommates. I asked people.  I searched online.  I had a friend that went with me one day up and down every single street in the Stonewall school zone and we called every single house with a sign out front.  None of them were valid possibilities. 

Two years earlier before I got into the Apt, I had seen this adorable house at the end of a cul de sac - just down the street from my pastor. It had roses out front and a lamp post.  It had a porch and a back yard.  It was adorable.  I fell in love with it instantly.  BUT we called about it then and it was $1450/mo for a 2 br 1 bath.  WAY out of my price range. When I started searching again, I kept driving down by this house.  It was still for rent but it was 1350. Still too much.  The day we drove up and down the neighborhood, this was the only house we could look at as the key was in the mailbox.  I still loved it.   IT was PERFECT.  God can I PLEASE have this house?? PLEASE?   I hear: This will be your home.

The Process:

So I began the process of applying, packing, etc.  I turned in my notice at the Apt and my move out date was set.  By Jan 10, 2010, I had to be OUT of my apt - there was no going back!  However, there was a problem... we didn't "have" the new house yet.  IT took forever to get applications reviewed, talk with landlords, work out pricing, etc.  Christmas and New Years were in the midst of that time and just made things take longer.  Also, with my bad credit (from the years in commission and struggling to make ends meet), I wasn't the best looking renter.  But I was determined that was my house- the Lord said so.  We made plans like we were moving there even though we didn't get the "Ok" from the landlord yet.

On New Years I was recruiting friends & family to come move us.   "Where are you moving to?" they would ask... I'd just say "Not sure yet.. but I know I'm gonna have to go somewhere that day!"  I'm pretty sure they all thought I was crazy.  It was kinda funny to me.   In my heart I was still believing for this house- but it was also fully submitted to the Lord and I knew that he could say NO or Not right now, or do something different than I was expecting.  STill, I kept planning, packing, and recruiting.  I kept claiming his goodness and tried to keep the anxiousness and tears at a minimum.  I knew he initiated and orchestrated the whole thing (from the day at home where they put the note on my car about towing - all the way to Jan 10th - whatever it would entail!) I knew he would provide for me. 

The Move:

Jan 10 was a Saturday.  The Wednesday before that, I got an email from the landlord saying we were not approved for the house based on my credit and my offer for rent (I offered him 1050/mo and apparently their lowest number was 1125).  My heart sunk... but I still felt peace and like God was saying it was still my house.  It didn't make sense.  I kept packing, praying and planning to move.  

Thursday we emailed back asking if we could do 1125 and pay 6 mo up front to lessen their risk since I did have bad credit.  He FINALLY said ok.  We were going to have to borrow the other 5 mo rent from a friend so that was a whole other ordeal.  Thursday was a SUPER stressful day.  We got the house, but it wasn't all that joyful because of all the crazy details. Friday we keep packing and getting everything ready.  Saturday morning we were set to move in.  My family & friends showed up, I told them where we were headed and we got to work loading.  My roommate and another friend went to the house to clean, etc.  We still hadn't even seen the lease or gotten the keys, but the landlord said it was fine. 

Saturday mid- morning he calls me.  As he's fixing our paperwork, he asks "Are you sure you want to pay the 6 mo up front?" I quickly say ... "well... no... but don't we have to because of credit?" He says "no, I think its fine.  Just give me the deposit and first month today and we'll go from there. 

I was so excited I cried!!  We got our house and we didn't have to borrow any money and it was OURS!!  My God never fails me.  The ICING on the cake was when I got there to unload the first load and checked out the kitchen... THERE WAS AN ICE MAKER!!!!!!!  Oh how my Jesus loves me!  :) 

This house has been a place of safety, its been a place to host parties, its been a place to develop community and friendships among neighbors, a place for Monday afternoon play dates with 4 other kids Nate's exact age.. and I have room for my stuff from storage! And I even have an ice maker! BHAP answered!  

The Moral:

He is teaching me how to trust Him.  He is showing me that he WANTS to provide for me.  He is showing me that he wants to meet my concrete needs as well as my needs for community, for security, for a HOME.  He even wants to give me the silly stuff that I don't need- like a cool CD player in the Camry and an Ice Maker in the car.  (and even my camera that he gave me - see the post titled Good Gifts for that story)

So after stories like this that are mine... not even someone else's story that I overheard... but a story I LIVED...WHY do I still have a hard time trusting that he has GOOD for me or that he will REALLY answer my BHAP?  Its really silly!  I have more proof in FAVOR of an answered BHAP than NOT in favor of it.  The odds are on my side!  :)

Stay tuned for part 4... 

Ask, Seek, Knock - pt 4

Disclaimer: this post won't make sense if you didn't read the last 3 - unless you walked with me through the last couple of years!  You might want to skim them before reading this one!
***********************************************************

Ok so what does all these stories have to do with the verse I posted on Pt 1 - Matthew 7:7-11?
EVERYTHING!!

The Lord used these examples last week to remind me that he didn't just GIVE me what I asked for on each of these examples.

Actually- now that I think of it, these are a perfect example of the verse:

The Volvo- all I did was present a need - or ASK, and the car basically fell in my lap.  I didn't even have time (or a need) to look for a solution.

Ask and it will be given to you;

The Camry - this was an example of searching for a solution - or SEEK.  I had to put some effort into finding the right car this time.  God gave me clues (like the mechanic who recommended a Camry, the $2000 limit, etc) and ultimately he had me in the right place at the right time to find this car on craigslist and get it just in time. 

Seek and you will find;

The House - this was a little tougher than just presenting a need or looking online. I really had to fight to get the house I felt like He was giving me.  I had to be persistent.  I had to be creative.  I had to be SURE he was calling me to THIS place because all signs were pointing to NO just days before I moved in!  It wasn't just a matter of being in the right place at the right time... it was about not taking no for an answer and almost exhaustedly knocking down the door till I was able to call my house "home" and claim my promise!

Knock and the door will be opened to you.

And the promise to ALL of us if we will abide by these 3 principles is this: everyone who asks receives; 

the one who seeks finds; 

and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Praise GOD!

So this is why I have faith that asking for my spouse is a good, holy thing.  And so far, I believe I've asked him, and I have tried to seek who He would have for me by dating when he has said date, and by going online if/when he says that. So it looks like its about time to start knocking (banging anyone??) on the door of heaven to see promises fulfilled!  I'm claiming a spouse by the end of 2011!  And I really hope he's excited to see just how much he's been contended for when we are both led to each other at the perfect time!

What are you KNOCKING for??  Do you trust that He is good? I'd love to hear and be praying for you too!  Feel free to email me privately at tiffanydawnhines@gmail.com.  

Because I must!

Ok so my blog is boring!!  Really.  I started it bc that way I could have a central place w EVERYONES blog address and could see at a glance who updated so I didn't waste my days checking every individual address just longing for a post to read.  Not sure why... but I did do taht for a while!! :)

So then... I decided to keep track of my journey to "become a runner" but kinda gave up that vision.... then it was to track how I was making changes to be healthy... but I"m not doing great in that area either.  So then it was more about spiritual change/growth and sweet things God has done lately to show me He loves me... like answering my BHAPS (see lots of earlier posts for stories of His faithfulness and provision)...

I didn't want it to be the typical mom/family/brag about your kid blog... though i'm not sure why bc I don't miss a SINGLE post of all of you bloggers that I stalk on the left side of my page.  Somehow I just feel like my life wouldn't be that exciting... or maybe its that there's too much pressure to keep it up... or... who knows!!

So now I'm not sure what to do with it... and pretty sure no one really even reads it...

But one thing I"m fairly certain of (judging from the way my heart is pounding now just at the thought of typing the next entry)... I'm supposed to blog about a specific prayer that has been on my heart.  I felt like God told me to be vulnerable... to put myself out there.  But I dont want to!!!

I really dont want to type the next blog.  I want to be obedient.  But I reallly really really dont want to type what I feel like I'm supposed to.  And more than that- I dont want to click the big orange "PUBLISH POST" button when I finish it.  Its really not THAT big of a deal and so logically i know this... however... for some reason it totally freaks me out to type something personal and post it without having control over who reads it, or even KNOW who reads it...

So... stay tuned to see if God wins or the Anxiety wins!! Hopefully God will win bc I know that His way is always better... and he ALWAYS wants the best for me.  I know this... but the anxiety is still there.  You guys are going to think its silly when the post actually comes... but to me, its kinda a big deal.

My Home

1. Ok so one of my friends asked her readers to write 3 favorite things about "Home".  She shared some things she loved and then asked us to do the same.  

   Here's her prompt:This week, take a look around your house and be grateful for your home. What is it that you love the most? Leave a comment describing three details about your home that bring a smile to your face.

   
   

   So I realized that my response was prob WAY longer than she really wanted... but as I started typing, I was just so thankful for all these little things!! I decided I'd share it on my blog so I'd have somewhere to go back and read it later!  I'm probably going to add on to my original posting (bc I held back in the comment section of Jenny's blog!!)... So here it goes:

   I'm thankful for my home!!

   Backstory:

   I moved in January into my first ever HOUSE (a rental- but still its mine!) and its PERFECT! I prayed about this house for a while.  I was pretty specific about the things I desired in our next home.  Here was my list:  I asked for a safe place for Nate to play.  Somewhere we would be able to host events, somewhere with a backyard, somewhere that had storage, somewhere w a W/D in it (and somewhere w an ice maker if possible- but obviously that wasn't a deal breaker!!).  

   Enter THIS house. I saw it a full year before I ever looked at it seriously.  I took a picture of the front of it- roses were in bloom and decorated the white house with green trim just so perfectly! It had an adorable lamp post in the front too!  It was perfect!!  Well at that time, the house was RIDICULOUSLY expensive!! So I sighed and just kinda went on my way.  I ended up in an apt for a while (in the ghetto!) that was definitely a blessing for me and Nate and for our friends who got to come over ALL THE TIME!  I was quite content in my little affordable apt!  But God had other plans!

   
   

   

   Love the little Lamp & the beautiful Roses!

   
   

   There were so many things that led up to this being our home- but I think I'll save that for another post. In January, (over a yr later from when I first saw and fell in love with it) Nate and I moved into this same adorable little home!!   It was totally God’s gift to me (just when I thought I’d NEVER be able to afford a house with a Yard in a safe neighborhood in dallas & that I was destined to live in ghetto scary apts for the rest of my life.)

   
   

   Finding Home:

   

   Evey Boy needs a Swing Set!

   

   Nate & Reese (neighbor from across the st)

    Its in a cul de sac just down the street from my pastor/friend and his family. My son (5 yrs old) now has a backyard and a swingset. Every kid needs a backyard and a swingset!! We’ve only been here since January, but it feels like our entire world has changed because of being in a HOUSE. So I love just about everything about the house (except the fact that I have to share my bathroom w a 5 yr old BOY! ew!! hehe :P). 

   

   Nates 5th Bday Party in the Backyard

   
   
   

   
   

   So my 3 FAVORITE things about my home are:

   1. My neighbors. I have neighbors!! Ones you can borrow sugar from and ones your child can play with. Ones that you wave to as you come home for the day and ones you rush outside to spend time with after just throwing your stuff down. Its a whole new world! I have community on my street and I'm trying to be home more to hang out with the neighbors that are out & around! It helps that there are quite a few kiddos running around and mine likes to play with other kiddos! Its been such a blessing to know people that live around you - (and text you if your car lights are on, or even write down license plates of cars where people disappear into your back yard and come out a little later! My friends doing laundry- but still! How great is that!?)

   

   Some of the neighbors that live on the corner

   
   

   

   Reese & his mommy, Jennifer live across the Street!

   
   

   

   The boys LOVE to ride bikes in the Cul De Sac!

   

   Duncan toddling around the Cul De Sac chasing the big boys!

   
   

   2. Its a perfect for hosting stuff!! I’ve hosted small dinners (around a DINING TABLE found on craigslist that I LOVE! Ya I have a DINING table and I can do sit down to dinners with up to 12 people around one table!!). I’ve hosted a 5 yr old Bday party(see backyard pics above), a live concert, several 20 something bday parties for friends, and my big 30th bday party- complete with twinkle lights in the backyard, people in fancy clothes, and Paris decor.

   

   Lost Immigrants House Concert

   
   

   

   The adoring Fans

   
   

   

   Its cool to have a concert in your house!

   
   

   

   My Paris Party Backyard

   

   Inside my Paris Party

   
   

   

   Dinner w Nate's Grandparents

   
   

   

   Fiesta Party Prep

   
   

   

   Fiesta Night - AJ & Titos Bday

   
   

   I love that i can bless my friends by having them in my home and sharing their birthdays and meals and pictures and  memories!

   
   

   3. The Garage! I have a GARAGE!!
   
   

   

   This is BEFORE i moved in (when it was empty!)

   Its small- just a one car. It has an automatic door, but no opener… so i cant really put my car in there at this point (even if it weren't full of boxes!)… BUT I have a garage. I got all my stuff from my parents house, from their storage over the years, etc and its all in MY garage. Sure- there are so many boxes, its hard to get around in there… but its still MY garage!! and MY stuff.  AND in the garage is a washer/dryer! I can do laundry AT my house. After yrs of having to goto a friends or a laundry mat and having to make sure I had enough quarters for the machines in the apt complex… I have my OWN w/d!  I can leave my clothes in the dryer overnight if I want to.  I can fluff clothes in the morning (instead of ironing!:)  and now I”M the house that everyone comes to to do their laundry!! How great is that??!

   
   

   HIS PROVISION IS ALWAYS BETTER!!

   I love my home. But more importantly- i love that God knew EXACTLY what we (Nate & I) needed for this season of life and he provided more than I could have hoped for!

   He even provided things I didn’t KNOW i needed/wanted! But now, I’m happy to hang out outside and invest in my neighbors.  (i NEVER went outside at the Apts).  I’m happy to play with my kiddo and his friends! (Nate didn't have friends that lived at the APT!) I’m happy to do laundry (I dreaded it before... lugging loads down 3 flights of stairs into the car to the laundry mat, staying there for a couple hrs and lugging it back up!)  I'm just HAPPY to come HOME!

   
   

   I Love my home!
   
   

   

   This is what I happily come home to every day!

   
   
   
   

BHAPS & Mac's!

Remember how I said I was gonna start praying that someone would give me a mac???

Well... guess what? I got one last night... it needs a replacement battery bc it won't work w out being plugged in- but its an iBook G4!

I'm SO excited!! I dont know taht I really BELIEVED I'd ACTUALLY be GIVEN a MAC Laptop!!

SO now- i just need the software and to get used to the differences of a Mac vs Pc and I'm on my way! :)
 Isn't God Cool??? i just wanted to share w you guys!

Where Have I beeN??

Well... here, there and everywhere. Unfortunately- not really doing too much on the exercise front.... doing more on the spiritual front. So I sent an email to some people yesterday and I feel like sharing it w the Blog World. NOt totally related to why I've been out but really related to the title of my blog: Who I'm Becoming.

Check it out. (its LONG) Let me know your thoughts if you make it through!!

Hello friends! A lot of you have been involved in my life at various levels and seen the various financial and car troubles I have experienced over the years (really- my whole life!). I'll try to make a long story SUPER short! I felt in June that God promised financial Freedom to me! Let me give you a Timeline of the events/progress thus far and how God is blessing me!!

I was struggling in my commission-only job (that i really liked... but wasn't doing well at) and my spirits were low. In August I got a job that I LOVE at my former church. Salary isn't high, but I felt a peace and its a STEADY, dependable, unchanging amount and includes a daycare discount (BIG ONE!) and medical cov'g! FIRST BLESSING!

I had a hard time paying my car payment during the months on Commission, so in early Aug, it got Repo'd which was actually more freeing than depressing. 2 days later- I was GIVEN a FREE car- 95 Volvo!! Second HUGE BLESSING!!

November- was going to move into a small 1 br apt on my own unsure of how I was going to handle the monthly bills/budget and the space issues w a 3 yr old but still felt Peace. WheN I was getting ready to move, My dad and his wife, Mary, decided they wanted to give me $100 a month to cover Nate's part of the rent and the increase in utility bills(allowing me to get a little bigger place w 2 br!) They volunteered this out of no where and have been faithful to send me that money at the beginning of every month! THIRD HUGE BLESSING!

January- After Christmas, Jan was a bit tight... then around the first week of the month- I get a check deposited from my former commission only job of $700!!! It was a surprise (while i usually get a check each month, the amounts vary and had usually only been around 2-400 depending on the month) FOURTH BLESSING!

April- it was a fairly tight month after investing in Running Shoes and paying some bills early. I had a flat that week and was really stressing a bit. I was literally left w like $200 in my account and deciding which bills could wait till after I got paid the following Wed. and which should be paid w this $200.

I went to hang w friends at a Poker night on April 11. So, its 1am... I'm inside my apt complex driving home when all of a sudden a car has backed out in front of me. There was no time to stop, so i SLAMMED into him. I initially thought it was my fault- but said nothing other than to exchange ins. My back hurt instantly and I cried when I got around the corner to my house bc I could only afford Liability ins and just knew my free car would be broken forever. PLUS my apt tows cars that are 'visably damaged' so I wondered where I was going to park since I wasn't going to be able to fix my car! I honestly doubted God and wondered what I was going to do! I felt him say "Tiffany, Do you not trust me yet as your provider?!"... and I'm like "Yes... but... it was my fault and now I'm hurt and I dont have any extra money to fix things and... (the list went on and on)." I finally went to sleep TRYING to believe He was going to provide somehow - but secretly honestly thinking I'd "used up" all my blessings and that he really wouldn't! I mean he'd already given me a FREE car... and I wrecked it! Why would he trust me w something else? Why would he help ME?!?

The pain in my back continued the next morning and was pretty bad. Nate was also mildly hurt. My car looked so sad as I went to it on Sat Morning before Bible study. The girls at the study prayed for me and my car/back. Later, I called my dad and asked who's fault he thought it was and told him about the damage. He volunteered to take a look at it if I had time on Sat afternoon. He ended up spending 8 hrs and $200 working on my car with a few breaks here and there for lunch, dinner, a trip to the junk yard, and an easter egg hunt w Nate. I know he was exhausted, but really, it was a great day! We had fun in spite of all the work he was doing (at least I know Nate and I did!) It was just such a sweet and selfless time my dad gave me. As I helped him finish checking the air on my tires, tears came to my eyes as I realized my Heavenly father had provided for me through my earthly father. And that He's been working to restore our relationship to completeness/wholeness. Its sooo good! And I felt more loved and protected and provided for than ever before. Praise the Lord! FIFTH BLESSING!

At that point, I didn't even care if it was my fault. My car wasn't so bad anymore thanks to my dad the Mechanical Miracle Worker and I learned I would be able to seek Med Treatment under my PIP ins for Nate and I. Had an appt on Monday and already felt a little better on Tuesday when I woke up. Nate got treated and I learned he had minor damage and wouldn't need many treatments. The 2500 PIP would surely cover it! SIXTH BLESSING! While I was at the Chiropractor- i got a call and learned that the wreck was the OTHER guys' fault!! SEVENTH BLESSING! Also, they said they would pay for ANY and ALL medical bills for both Nate and I related to this claim when we had completed all treatments!!! (So that means that if my PIP pays 2500, then they will write me a personal check for 2500 also!!!) EIGHTH BLESSING!!

Also, I have an Aflac Accident plan which means that I get additional money IN MY POCKET for accident treatment!! I'm guesstimating that it will end up around $500!!! NINTH BLESSING!

Tuesday, the adjuster came out and said he thought it might be totalled! I was a little scared bc I figured that would mean they woudln't give me much to fix the car and they'd want to take the car- then I'm stuck trying to find something to drive that's reliable! Ugh! I searched Blue Book value for the car and it ranged from 1500-3300. I guessed I'd get around 2000 for the car. Wed I learn that they did total the car- but they think its worth 4749.06 if they total it out and take it. WHAT?! Did you say 4 THOUSAND dollars!?! (but that means I"m Car-less!!) And then I asked- well what if I dont want to give you the car... and they said they would pay a little less... 4299.06!!!!!!!!! "wait- so you're telling me the minimum you will settle for will be $4300?!?!? for a 95 VolvO? SERIOUSLY? TENTH BLESSING!!

So.. to sum up- GOD is SOOOO my Provider!!! I repent for EVER doubting that he wants FINANCIAL freedom for me!!! Praise the LORD for blessings in disguise! I never knew I'd be sooo glad to have had a car wreck! This is INCREDIBLE!!!

And also- I had been feeling like I was supposed to do the Discipleship Training School at our church starting in August. It is $900 and I wasn't sure how I was going to pay for it, but just started the application this week! I read the line that said 'you may pay in advance" and almost laughed out loud! Ya RIGHT! Like I"D have 900 EXTRA dollars!! SOooo joke's on me I guess!!! :) I think I'll be able to write a check for the full amount now!! God is SOOO good!! Its really humbling and amazing!!

Please pray with me that I would be a good steward with the extra funds. That I would listen to wise council and that I would make progress on my debt!! I will have financial freedom!!! I can TASTE it!!! ANd its SOOO worth it!! :)

Hope you have a blessed day!! And that you BELIEVE that HE loves you!! And that He wants the BEST for you!! And that He will be your provider too!
Love, Tiff